...because I haven't exercised since January 4th and I weighed 311 pounds this morning. I didn't get that kick of new year fever, apparently. I'm just so burnt out on trying and trying and failing. I feel like, even though it's painfully obvious at over 300 pounds, I'm just realizing how addicted I am to food.
I'm going to try to update here more. And make some changes. Again. I just feel like I'm jumping on the same old ride, waiting to get thrown off again, but I don't know what else to do.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
what I've been up to...
10/13/08: 308
10/14/08: 30min/1mi
10/15/08: 30min/1mi
10/16/08: 30min/1mi
10/17/08: 30min/1mi
10/18/08: 30min/1mi
10/20/08: 310
10/20/08: 30min/1mi
10/22/08: 30min/1mi
10/23/08: 30min/1mi
10/24/08: 30min/1mi
10/25/08: 30min/1mi
10/26/08: 30min/1mi
10/27/08: 308
10/28/08: 30min/1mi
10/29/08: 30min/1.02mi
10/30/08: Mall walk
11/02/08: 30min/1mi
11/03/08: 308.2
11/05/08: 307.2
11/05/08: 30min/1.05mi
11/10/08: 307.6
11/10/08: 30min/1mi
11/12/08: 30min/1mi
11/17/08: 305.6
11/17/08: 30min/1.02mi
11/18/08; 30min/1mi
11/19/08: 30min/1.08mi
11/20/08: 30min/1.12mi
11/24/08: 308.8
11/25/08: 30min/1.15mi
11/30/08: 30min/1.08mi
12/01/08: 308.8
12/04/08: 30min/1.07mi
12/08/08: 306.6
12/09/08: 30min/1.10mi
12/11/08: 30min/1.10mi
12/14/08: 30min/1.09mi
12/15/08: 307.6
12/28/08: 309.2
12/30/08: 30min/1.05mi
01/01/08: 309
01/01/08: 30min/1.07mi
01/02/08: 30min/1.13mi
01/04/08: 30min/1.12mi
10/14/08: 30min/1mi
10/15/08: 30min/1mi
10/16/08: 30min/1mi
10/17/08: 30min/1mi
10/18/08: 30min/1mi
10/20/08: 310
10/20/08: 30min/1mi
10/22/08: 30min/1mi
10/23/08: 30min/1mi
10/24/08: 30min/1mi
10/25/08: 30min/1mi
10/26/08: 30min/1mi
10/27/08: 308
10/28/08: 30min/1mi
10/29/08: 30min/1.02mi
10/30/08: Mall walk
11/02/08: 30min/1mi
11/03/08: 308.2
11/05/08: 307.2
11/05/08: 30min/1.05mi
11/10/08: 307.6
11/10/08: 30min/1mi
11/12/08: 30min/1mi
11/17/08: 305.6
11/17/08: 30min/1.02mi
11/18/08; 30min/1mi
11/19/08: 30min/1.08mi
11/20/08: 30min/1.12mi
11/24/08: 308.8
11/25/08: 30min/1.15mi
11/30/08: 30min/1.08mi
12/01/08: 308.8
12/04/08: 30min/1.07mi
12/08/08: 306.6
12/09/08: 30min/1.10mi
12/11/08: 30min/1.10mi
12/14/08: 30min/1.09mi
12/15/08: 307.6
12/28/08: 309.2
12/30/08: 30min/1.05mi
01/01/08: 309
01/01/08: 30min/1.07mi
01/02/08: 30min/1.13mi
01/04/08: 30min/1.12mi
Thursday, December 4, 2008
oops
I have sucked at keeping this updated, which I hope will change as things settle down with school soon. I've been keeping up with my treadmill routine and have walked 23.52 miles since October 13. I know it might not sound like a lot, but it's pretty awesome for me! This week I've been down with some kind of upper respiratory/sinus infection, so that's kept me off the treadmill some. I'm going to try to get to it today, though.
As far as eating goes, however, I've been a little sucky. And my weight has stayed pretty much even at 308.8.
As far as eating goes, however, I've been a little sucky. And my weight has stayed pretty much even at 308.8.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Semi-smooth sailing!
I'm really proud of myself right now. I just got off the treadmill, making this four days in a row that I've exercised, despite my dad being sick and in the hospital (nothing too serious and he's home now), work, school, stress. I feel like if I can make time and find the energy to exercise amidst all THIS, then surely I can keep it up.
I say this is going semi-smooth, though, because I've not really been focusing on my eating at all. But hey, one thing at a time. I'm going to see how the scale responds this week, and then focus more on my food next week.
I say this is going semi-smooth, though, because I've not really been focusing on my eating at all. But hey, one thing at a time. I'm going to see how the scale responds this week, and then focus more on my food next week.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Finally!
I think I got this. I just walked a mile on the treadmill. It took me 30 minutes at 2.0 mph, which I KNOW is pretty slow, but you know, it's a start and I feel awesome!
Also, my last blog was a little weird, haha. I actually posted after midnight on Sunday, meaning it should have read October 13, not October 12. My calendar was just stuck on my toolbar, making me think Monday was the 12th, haha. But yesterday kind of sucked anyway, so.
Also, the Twilight audiobook is a great motivator! I'm only going to listen on the treadmill, that way I have to walk if I want to find out (again) what happens.
I need to find a solid place to track my weigh-ins. I'm not sure how the sidebar thing works...
Also, my last blog was a little weird, haha. I actually posted after midnight on Sunday, meaning it should have read October 13, not October 12. My calendar was just stuck on my toolbar, making me think Monday was the 12th, haha. But yesterday kind of sucked anyway, so.
Also, the Twilight audiobook is a great motivator! I'm only going to listen on the treadmill, that way I have to walk if I want to find out (again) what happens.
I need to find a solid place to track my weigh-ins. I'm not sure how the sidebar thing works...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I love being alive
I haven't lost any weight. I've exercised one day this month (the first day OF the month). I'm not making healthy food choices 80% of the time. I'm not treating my body right. I'm not treating my family right. I'm not treating my friends right. I'm not treating myself right.
I've had a couple moments in the last few days where I've just stopped, looked up at the blue sky, felt the warm fall breeze, watched the leaves swirling down from the trees and thought - I love being alive. But I don't want to live the way I do. I don't want to be bitter and fat and tired and grouchy and unmotivated and messy. I have so many goals and aspirations and people that I love - and I want to really LIVE, not just exist.
I think of Patty, my aunt who died at a very young age last December, and how she's never going to enjoy the simplicity of a sunny day again. She's never going to feel her heart swell with the happiness of just existing. And that breaks my heart, but also gives me the determination to not follow a path of self-destruction. She deserved more than what she got out of life, even though she was happy most of the time. She deserved a longer life. I deserve a long life, a healthy life, a life I can be proud of, and not one in which I'm constantly making myself mad at myself because I'm fat/lazy/grouchy/tired/etc/etc.
I owe it to myself to love myself enough to change.
I've had a couple moments in the last few days where I've just stopped, looked up at the blue sky, felt the warm fall breeze, watched the leaves swirling down from the trees and thought - I love being alive. But I don't want to live the way I do. I don't want to be bitter and fat and tired and grouchy and unmotivated and messy. I have so many goals and aspirations and people that I love - and I want to really LIVE, not just exist.
I think of Patty, my aunt who died at a very young age last December, and how she's never going to enjoy the simplicity of a sunny day again. She's never going to feel her heart swell with the happiness of just existing. And that breaks my heart, but also gives me the determination to not follow a path of self-destruction. She deserved more than what she got out of life, even though she was happy most of the time. She deserved a longer life. I deserve a long life, a healthy life, a life I can be proud of, and not one in which I'm constantly making myself mad at myself because I'm fat/lazy/grouchy/tired/etc/etc.
I owe it to myself to love myself enough to change.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
