a fairly accurate portrayal of my eating habits...

2 c. Rice Krispies with 1 c. skim
1 Splenda packet
1 piece of white toast
1/2 slice fried bologna
4 large marshmallows
Diet Pepsi

Diet Pepsi
Baby Ruth bar

Gatorade G2

~3 platefuls of spagetti with meat sauce
2 or 3 brown and serve rolls
Diet Pepsi

1 Fruit Roll-Up (may have eaten 1 earlier too, can't remember)

This is why I suck. I am addicted to food. I don't know what to do. I want to lose weight, I want to be healthy, but I just am not able to step away and say no.

I walked 1.24 miles on the treadmill today, 30 minutes. I tried to do the first Couch to 5k workout, but I don't think it's intended for those 300+ pounds. That'll have to wait. Still, I can't find too much happiness in that accomplishment when I'm eating like the hog that I am.

a weekend of overflowing

Oh, man. I keep starting each day thinking, "okay, today's the day!" So then I get naked, weigh myself, don't even really react to the number anymore because I'm pretty much numb to it at most times, write down my breakfast in my food journal...and then meet the world and fuck up repeatedly. I've honestly began at least half of the last 10-15 days in this manner, with today being no exception.

My period and Fourth of July festivities have thwarted my shreds of willpower today, and I don't think I can even pretend I have what it'll take to make it through tomorrow's TWO barbeque/lots of food events with any semblance of a healthy, balanced diet for the day. I feel like crap. I enjoyed the food while I ate it, but now I just feel bloated, disgusted, a little nauseous, and determined to fucking do something about my weight...I just don't think I can do it tomorrow.