a fairly accurate portrayal of my eating habits...

2 c. Rice Krispies with 1 c. skim
1 Splenda packet
1 piece of white toast
1/2 slice fried bologna
4 large marshmallows
Diet Pepsi

Diet Pepsi
Baby Ruth bar

Gatorade G2

~3 platefuls of spagetti with meat sauce
2 or 3 brown and serve rolls
Diet Pepsi

1 Fruit Roll-Up (may have eaten 1 earlier too, can't remember)

This is why I suck. I am addicted to food. I don't know what to do. I want to lose weight, I want to be healthy, but I just am not able to step away and say no.

I walked 1.24 miles on the treadmill today, 30 minutes. I tried to do the first Couch to 5k workout, but I don't think it's intended for those 300+ pounds. That'll have to wait. Still, I can't find too much happiness in that accomplishment when I'm eating like the hog that I am.

changes

I've definitely been going through a stressful time these past few weeks, and my diet has shown that. I've been eating like crap, feeling like crap, and have had an upset stomach almost constantly. I rejoined Weight Watchers for one meeting, re-quit (totally not a word...) Weight Watchers after said meeting and am back at square one.

I just don't know that Weight Watchers is it for me. I think it's a great program and it helped me immensely in the past, but I don't really feel comfortable at meetings and I hate to spend so much money on them. I don't know. I'm ready to give this another shot, to give ME a shot. I have to do this. My own way. I have to change. I'm 21, but I'm not living my life. I'm going through the motions and stagnating, watching everyone else with jealousy that I'm not the person I want to be. I have to do this to help my family, too. We're all so unhealthy, even my poor dog who's suffering with a back issue right now (if anyone reads this, please, please send some prayers/good thoughts her way), and it's a direct result of the way we live our lives. There's no discipline.

So that's my goal for this week. Get some discipline. Stick to my plans, not obsessively, but as much as possible. These are my discipline goals:

- Go to bed at 11pm.
- Get up at 9am.
- Walk one mile on the treadmill at least 3/7 days.